Some thoughts...

A while ago, I came across this post on the blog, Not Without Salt and had to stop and wonder if Ashley was somehow reading my mind and writing about me [please read it then come back here]. The post pretty much sums up a lot of what I've struggled with over the past couple years of blogging and life in general. Struggles of not knowing what to share on here, how much of my personal life should I share, or if I should even share it at all. I could have just shared recipes and photos and called it a day but the blogs I enjoy the most are those with a personal story attached. However, for myself it just isn't that easy for me to be vulnerable in such a public space.

Even now, I stare at the blinking cursor and wonder if I'll ever hit "Publish" on this post. And wonder where I should even start. Heck, I wonder if anyone is still reading. I feel like I owe the few readers I have left an explanation as to why my posts have become so scarce around here. Yes, I had a busy few months back in the spring, where I failed to mention that I also moved to a new apartment shortly after that post - so yes, life was busy. But everyone's busy. My posts have been sporadic even before then. It began with the insecurities of not having the perfect photos (I'm still using point and shoot, here), not being a creative recipe developer who has the time and resources to test and re-test recipes before posting. I've long accepted the fact that I'm not a recipe writer. Hence, links to the original or adapted recipe. That part seemed to be a major hang-up for me. If I'm not posting original recipes then why do I even bother blogging? You read so many comments on social media about what does and does not make a food blogger and it starts to back you into a corner. You really do get stuck in your own head. 

These insecurities seemed so magnified in my world because of the personal issues I was dealing with. I've eluded to these "issues" in the past and though I still can't bring myself to be that vulnerable (and to respect the privacy of others), I can share that ever since losing my job three years ago, I've struggled with finding my place, my purpose, my calling. I've been a little lost. Every time I thought, "This is it!", it would shortly fizzle out and I would become discouraged. It seemed to happen over and over again in different parts of my life. These discouragements along with my insecurities, spilled over into blogging, my career (or lack of), my social life, my marriage. So you can imagine why it's so hard for me to sit down and blog. How do I come up with something to say besides, "This peach and plum crisp is yummy, bake it!"?

When I started this blog, my goal was to simply share my love for baking and sweets. However, the food blogging world has pulled me in many different directions over the past few years and none of them felt right. Sure, getting free stuff is awesome but how is promoting food brands benefiting the greater good? I have a yearning to do something more. What that will look like is still unknown. It may be by re-discovering my faith. It may be by spending more time offline. It may be by taking a break from food-blogging. What I do know is that the one theme that continues to tug at my heart is using my gifts for good; to gather like-minded folks who want to help others by using their God-given (baking/cooking) talents. 

I hope to continue to bake, photograph and share what inspires and encourages me without worrying about writing up a recipe, having the perfect Foodgawker-worthy photo or having any blogging deadlines/schedules. For me, the best place to share that now is on Instagram.  Please feel free to follow me there if you'd like. As 2013 winds down, I will be re-thinking the goal and focus of this blog. In the meantime, I will still pop in and share a little sweetness and the occasional event/fundraiser as I feel appropriate. Thank you for being patient!

I'll leave you with this quote that's been encouraging me lately (I can't remember where I saved it from, please let me know if it's yours):